Freelancer (Unemployed) Life

IT'S BEEN THREE YEARS?! God, I'm sorry. I feel like I went out for cigarettes and then just left you guys for the traveling troubadour that I met at an open mic night. Truthfully, I didn't feel like I had anything to write about when I stopped traveling around Europe and having adorable fish out of water experiences. But weirdly, a lot of life still managed to happen here in the good ol' USA (I will not talk politics) and, as I am now currently writing this in a coffee shop, my transition into Basic Brooklyn Hipster is now complete.

The biggest change has been in my "career". After having a job in a different field for two years, I am back in the TV world and am currently a freelancer...which is a fancy way of saying I'm unemployed a lot of the time. It's a temporary life, but it's one that has been filled with nuggets of self-awareness and eye-opening realizations. Here are 10 things I've discovered while freelancing/riding that unemployment train:

     1. You will generate strong feelings for Trevor Noah (if you haven't already). 

My morning routine consists of getting up, making coffee and breakfast, and watching last night's Daily Show. So it's kind of like I have breakfast with Trevor Noah every morning which is kind of like we're dating which is kind of like we're meant to be together forever. See- the problem with being unemployed is you can go days without seeing people, so when one person is consistently in your life, it's like there's a relationship there. Even if they don't know about it (Yet. Give me time).

      2. You will talk to yourself. A lot.

A scary amount. About all kinds of things. Whichever NSA agent is assigned to me and is currently monitoring my computer camera/my smart TV is VERY concerned right now. I'm not necessarily a quiet person by nature, so not talking to people for hours a day will make me go slightly insane. Luckily, I am hysterical and super fun to be around, so I am my own best company. But for my Rear Window neighbors, it is most definitely confusing. 

      3. Your diet will start whether you like it or not.

I should be so much thinner for an unemployed person. Eggs for dinner and splitting one person meals into two will become your norm. Any money (aka credit card debt) that you will have will be spent on drinking with friends where you will mainly talk about your money anxiety (get ready for that spiral) and ask them to tell you honestly if you could make good money being a burlesque dancer.

      4. Things that are not considered luxurious will become THE DREAM.

Avocadoes. What am I, a Rockefeller? 3-ply toilet paper?? These free napkins from Starbucks will do just fine, thankyouverymuch. I haven't bought real fruit in ages since apparently you need a small bank loan to purchase raspberries. (Another example: as I typed this, my friend just ripped a paper towel in half to share, so it's contagious).

      5. Any money you do get into your poor hands will become gold.

Selling my old dress on Poshmark for $10 = legit business venture. Birthday money = grocery money. DOES ANYONE NEED A BABYSITTER BC I NEED TO PAY FOR MY ELECTRICITY. Which leads me to...

      6. Your pride will take a hit (if you had any to begin with).

Remember that person you interned with back in 2007 and haven't spoken to since? You'll meet up with them for drinks. Remember that Professor in college who most definitely could not pick you out of a lineup? You will email them. That $20 your parents left you with when they came to visit this past weekend? You will take it to Trader Joes and find a way to buy two weeks of groceries for $19.99 (Do not attempt at Whole Foods). Any pride you may have felt when you were "comfortably" employed will dissipate and you will not blink when you start googling "can I sell my blood?".

       7. Your relationship with Netflix will grow stronger.

You'll feel completely looked after when Netflix asks you "are you still there?". Yes, yes I am and thank you for checking. And thank you for being my one solid force in life (next to Trevor).

       8. You'll plan getaways that you'll never actually take because right now is literally the worst time. (But you'll still cry a little every time someone's Save the Date comes in the mail).

I don't know why this happens, but it must be dreamer's disease or something. You have $0, but all you can think about is taking a solo trip to the Redwoods and having a real Jack Kerouac moment. You can barely afford your Metrocard, but sure Sarah. Take a week and explore some trees.

       9. Finally time for those hobbies!

Really what you'll do is find websites for those guitar lessons/improv classes/jewelry design courses that you've always wanted to take, but you never had the time and those tabs will remain open on your computer for months. You won't do it, but you know where you'd do it and at least that's one step closer. You will still choose Netflix (true love is strong).

       10. Suddenly, your future looks so bright. And then so horribly dark. Then bright. Then dark. Rinse and repeat. 

I like to call this the Conviction vs Desperation spiral. Some days your Conviction sticks and you refuse to settle for a job that isn't right and you can now do what you want and you'll work hard to get there. And then some days the Desperation takes over and you start looking at grad school again or wonder if maybe it's too late to be a lawyer. I don't have an answer for this nor do I think I'm anywhere near one just yet. It's just what it is and you'll eventually stop pretending to have a plan.

                                                                         If you see me roaming around the Redwoods, feel free to come and say hi. And maybe feed me.